Romantic routes to a happy relationship

But what if you're single? Or what if you're in a partnership but secretly feel it could be more loving and fulfilling?

Couples gazing adoringly at each other in restaurants and romantic gestures and tokens can be hard to bear if, at heart, you're lonely, or that togetherness isn't quite there.

"Relationships need regular care and time and thoughtfulness if they're going to be healthy and stable, and to ensure your partnership survives the inevitable ups and downs of life together," says Sarah Rozenthuler, author of Life-Changing Conversations: 7 Strategies For Talking About What Matters Most.

"Romantic or thoughtful gestures to show how much you care should be a regular occurrence and are more important than a showy gift on Valentine's Day," she says.

Rozenthuler gives her advice to help you rekindle the magic and achieve a happier and more harmonious relationship, while journalist and writer Katie Wright gives her tips for the best way to meet someone special.

Boost your love life beyond Valentine's Day

Sarah Rozenthuler, author of Life-Changing Conversations: 7 Strategies For Talking About What Matters Most, gives her top tips for making your partnership more loving.

Techie turn-off

Checking emails, making phone calls, watching TV and online surfing eats away at the time you spend together and can often be an excuse for not communicating, says Rozenthuler.

Give yourselves quality time together during which you have a "media break".

Switch off the technology and focus on each other - even if it's only for 10 minutes.

Share views, clear the air, really listen to what your partner has to say, then reflect back what you've heard. Resist the temptation to interrupt, let them finish their sentences, and always end on a positive note by saying, for instance, 'Thank you for telling me what you feel'.

Listening receptively is a powerful aphrodisiac which can soften the hardest of hearts and avert a row.

Share the dream

A long-lasting relationship is all about standing shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the same direction, says Rozenthuler.

For instance, she points out, when a relationship ends, the most painful part is often the loss of shared dreams.

She suggests strengthening your bond by creating a "vision board" together.

Cut out inspiring images from magazines and create a mounted collage. Place it where you can both see it daily so that you consciously connect with what you want to achieve as a couple.

Spice up your sex life

If the physical side of your relationship has become routine, take a risk and do something different.

If you're stuck for ideas, ask your partner for a memory of some great sex they had with you and see what you can learn to re-create some of the excitement of the early days of your relationship.

You might need to have a weekend away from the children so you can enjoy being a couple again, or take more time to enjoy the sensual side of sex by massaging each other, talking and relaxing together.

If there are deep-routed problems in this important area of your life, seek help so that the lack of physical intimacy doesn't erode your closeness.

Monitor your mood

Partners are susceptible to absorbing each other's moods, which can be positive when one of you has a good day but negative if the other person's bad day at the office contaminates you both.

Develop strategies so you can individually change your mood if you're down in the dumps - it might be a five-minute walk outdoors or listening to uplifting music.

Each of you needs to take responsibility for your own state of being so that your moods are mutually enriching.

Have fun

A relationship can be hard work as you each try to find ways to accommodate the other's needs, wants and desires, Rozenthuler points out.

Differences of opinion can cause tension and unresolved conflicts can lead to contempt.

Make a mutual commitment to regularly spend time together doing things that you both enjoy, whether it's trips to the cinema, dance classes or planing a holiday.

"Remember that when you fell in love, your inner child felt alive and well and cherished," she says.

"Nurture that part of you and consider ways you can cherish your partner, and your relationship will reap the rewards."

Keep the romance

Thoughtful gestures and actions needn't cost money or take much time but they'll make your other half feel special and appreciated, she says.

"Cook their favourite meal once a week, run them a bath or play their favourite music," Rozenthuler suggests.

"During your day, bookmark memorable moments in your mind to share with your partner when you get home. You probably did that naturally when your love was freshly minted, so bring that attentive energy into your relationship now."

Invest in relationship skills

If your relationship is riddled with tension, get help, says Rozenthuler.

"Identify what the core issue is and search out ways to deal with it whether that's getting some couple therapy, asking a GP or specialist for help, or reading books which focus on improving relationships," she says.

:: Relate is the UK's largest provider of relationship counselling and sex therapy. For more information, visit www.relate.org.uk

Fly solo

Allow yourselves time apart occasionally, she advises. That allows you to be an individual again and to reconnect with your own interests and maybe a separate circle of friends.

It's a tragedy if people lose themselves in a relationship and feel invisible unless they are part of a couple, she says.

If one partner is more dominating the other can end up playing a support role which may erode confidence and wellbeing.

"To avoid this, take regular doses of your own company. Do whatever it takes to stay grounded and aware of your own identity, whether it's enjoying hobbies or taking a break to learn something new," she says.

"Breathing space from each other can invigorate a relationship, not least because it means you both have new experiences and stories to share with each other when you're together."

Make the rules

Many relationships suffer as a result of one individual making decisions without consulting their partner, says Rozenthuler.

"It can leave the other person resentful because they feel their feelings or opinions don't matter."

Any couple can benefit from having a conversation about how they make decisions together.

For instance, they might agree that if an item costs more than a certain amount, the decision on whether to buy it must be joint.

For significant decisions, she advises, agree that you'll both take time separately to consider the different options and then share your thoughts.

Moving from "me" to "we" maximises the likelihood that any decisions taken will reflect both your perspectives.

See the bigger picture

Expecting a partner to be totally responsible for your happiness is unrealistic, Rozenthuler warns.

If you're expecting them to provide you with something you haven't brought into the relationship yourself, you may be making the biggest mistake of your life.

"Ask yourself how you can evolve into a more contented, fulfilled version of yourself without demanding anything of your partner," she advises.

Ideally, being with someone else should enhance you rather than complete you. Try to analyse what you can give to your partnership and not simply what you can take.

Stay in touch with the bigger picture about you and your life together will stop you from retreating to your corner and enable you to help create a life-enhancing relationship.

:: Life-Changing Conversations: 7 Strategies For Talking About What Matters Most by Sarah Rozenthuler is published by Watkins Publishing, priced £8.99. Available from Amazon and www.sarahrozenthuler.com

10 ways to find love before and after Valentine's Day

Sitting indoors waiting for Miss or Mr Right to call is unlikely to prove a winning strategy. Katie Wright gives her advice for finding someone special.

Phone a friend
Ask friends if they can set you up with a single friend they think you'll be compatible with.

Blind dates can be nerve-wracking but, with a mutual friend in common, you'll have more to talk about, and that bit of matchmaking could lead, at the least, to a friendship and possible a long-term love interest.

Class act

Sign up for an evening class to learn a new skill or to further your knowledge on a topic which genuinely interests.

You're likely to meet like-minded people, and chatting in group sessions is a good way to get to know others and there are bound to be opportunities for meeting up after class!

:: Visit sites such as www.floodlight.co.uk, which give details of evening courses in different locations.

Night at the museum

Lots of museums, galleries and zoos have after-hours events for grown-ups only.

Swap a night at the pub for a night of culture. Sparks might fly when you strike up a conversation at a science exhibition or you could find your own lovebird at the zoo!

:: For more details, visit sites such as the Natural History Museum, London, at www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/after-hours

Find love online

We work, shop and play on the web, so why not find a date online too?

It's an ideal time to test a site as online dating memberships surge after Christmas.

While you may feel it's a bit random, and for safety on a first date you should always meet in a public place and let a friend or family member know where you're going, there are advantages to accessing a large pool of people who are single like you.

You'll avoid awkward chat-up lines in bars, and you won't waste time approaching people who aren't available. Do your homework first by visiting sites which offer guidance on dating online.

:: For more information, visit www.guide-to-dating-online.com

Do a good deed

Volunteering for charity work might not necessarily lead to love but helping others can lead to a different, more positive perspective on your own life, and boost your wellbeing.

That will make you more attractive and interesting to be with, which can't help but raise your chances of success.

Choose a cause that's close to your heart - most charities welcome volunteers with open arms - and even an hour a week can be immensely helpful to a local charity.

Sporting chance

Joining a sports team or club is a classic way to meet new people and will have the benefit of improving your health.

Visit your local leisure centre, gym or local authority to find out what's on offer.

Shall we dance?
Don't just be a couch potato fan of BBC's Strictly Come Dancing - take to the floor.

There's a huge range of dance classes on offer - from salsa, tango, swing and jive through to ballroom - and you'll learn a new skill, get some exercise, and could meet a life partner.

So get out there and practise fancy footwork and flirting!

:: NHS Choices has an informative page on getting started. Visit www.nhs.uk/Livewell/getting-started-guides/Pages/getting-started-dancing.aspx

Come dine with me

Dining clubs bring together groups of singles in the same age range to socialise over a meal.

It could be the ideal way to indulge your love of cooking, improve your culinary skills and expand your social circle.

Find a club online, or start your own with a few single friends and ask everyone to bring an unattached guest.

Let's get physical

Many people join gyms at this time of year but their enthusiasm fades after a few months.

Avoid being a gym-drop and choose one with a variety of classes and social events so that you'll meet people, be more motivated to go regularly, and you could find someone special as you pound the treadmill and lift the weights.

Don't delay
Learn to love yourself as you are and try to positive with everyone you meet, rather than over-focusing on finding 'The One'.

Often we subconsciously prevent ourselves from meeting someone special because we lack confidence and believe we can only seriously look for love when we're 'perfect' - the right weight, looking our best, or reaching some aspirational stage in our lives.

The reality is that love can be around any corner and the person who is right for you might be in your life already.

Being open-minded, smiling and taking an interest in other people could lead to surprising and happy encounters!

Tried & tested

Kissing is high on the agenda for February - lips need to be especially lovely on Valentine's Day - but all too often it's a month dreaded by cold sore sufferers. Jenny Harris finds out if a preventative lip balm is the answer.

What is it?

Liquorice Balm contains only naturally derived ingredients found in the liquorice root including glycyrrhizic acid (GA), which acts to help minimise the development of the virus.

Recent research, published in the US Journal of Clinical Investigation, showed that liquorice has the ability in some cases to help eradicate the cold sore virus which lies dormant between outbreaks.

A recent trial carried out by the Herpes Viruses Association, on 40 people, found that using the balm reduced the severity and duration of outbreaks for more than 73% of people. On average, their outbreaks were half the normal length.

"Liquorice balm has performed well with those taking part, showing a marked reduction in severity and duration of their old sore outbreaks," says Marian Nicholson from the Herpes Viruses Organisation (www.herpes.org.uk)

"We're happy to recommend this treatment to our members who suffer from herpes simplex virus."

What's it like?

Around one in five people in the UK have recurring cold sores and I think the misery they cause is under-estimated.

These small blisters develop on the lips or around the mouth and are caused by the herpes simplex virus.

While mine usually clear up within seven to 10 days, that's a long time to have something unsightly on your mouth.

I don't know how I picked up this virus but I'm very conscious that a sore is contagious, and until it is completely healed, I might risk passing it on to other people by kissing them.

So in the past when I've had one, I've cancelled dates and also it's embarrassing explaining the fluid-filled sore on the edge of your lip, and even more upsetting when you really want to look your best for an event or interview.

February's a prime month for cold sores because a lowered immune system due to cold weather, colds and flu can make you more prone to an outbreak.

That's certainly the case for me, and I'm susceptible at the hormonal time of the month.

Being aware of likely triggers has helped slightly and I've tried over-the-counter antiviral remedies to try to head-off an attack or minimise the problem with varying results.

Liquorice Balm appealed because it only contains natural ingredients and you can wear it all the time, rather than trying to second-guess when you're going to have an outbreak and applying a remedy. It helps to keep my lips smooth as well.

I've tried the balm for a couple of months and on the first month my sore was smaller and only lasted five days instead of the usual 10, and the next month I missed an attack.

I'm hopeful that this was down to the balm and that it could be a real remedy. For once, I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day. And I am feeling more confident that even if I do get a cold sore, it will be much less visible!

:: Information: Liquorice Balm is £7.95 for 30g For more information, visit www.skinshop.co.uk or call 0844 700 9975