Hurrah! South West Trains (SWT) has apologised for its poor winter service. Well that’s all right then. Feeling better now?

Deep breaths. The falling punctuality and overrunning engineering works now seem like a distant nightmare don’t they?

The packed morning rush-hour trains, commuters crushed like sardines in the vestibule (whatever vestibule means) where you can’t even move your hand to turn the page of a newspaper – it’s like it never happened.

The longing for an unhygienic looking seat as you’re swaying from side to side with 30 other commuters in a similar state of hell.

The tinny, repetitive, moronic beats bleeding from a set of headphones.

Isn’t there an old proverb that says that in London you’re never more than 3ft away from a moron playing Will.i.am? (I think the actual proverb is you’re never more than 3ft away from a former member of Fleetwood Mac, but I digress).

It’s all OK now isn’t it? Err, thought not.

Well, I’m afraid “sorry” isn’t good enough.

I want all the SWT bosses, all the regional managers, all those who make the decisions on the actual running of the service – while the rest of us pay sky-high rail fares – to have to suffer.

How about a spot of mental torture, such as them being made to watch Bargain Hunt on a loop for 24 hours? Or Deal or No Deal?

Or any film starring Adam Sandler?

Let these people suffer like we have had to suffer.

In the interests of balance, the train operator has promised extra seats, more coaches and longer trains, which apparently will start to head this way in the summer.

Well, if they’re not delayed by signalling problems that is.