This morning, on my bus, we were just pulling away from the centre of Elephant & Castle, when a man got on, climbed up to the top deck, and sat in the front seat. His trousers - not one word of a lie, were perched completely beneath his butt cheeks (and he might have worn more form-fitting underwear for the occasion). There was no belt or anything, yet they stayed up, utterly defying gravity.

Me: 'Oh my God. Oh my God . I don't get it. What can possibly be keeping those trousers up?'

Craig: 'The collective will of everyone on this bus.'