Last night, Holly's car was broken into. As I went to get in it this morning, I noticed the passenger door was unlocked, the glove compartment was left open and the back seat had been forced forward to gain access to the boot.

Luckily, the little scroats didn't make off with much and I am somewhat bemused by what they did take. Despite the copious amounts of girlie gold fluff that is on offer in there, the only thing that I noticed was missing was the change that we keep in the ashtray. This change amounted to the grand total of around £1.20 - not the best hourly rate I can think of for such a chosen lifestyle, but there you go.

They even opened the empty bottles of Mars Milk that I have left in there – they must have been extremely thirsty.

Thing is, Holly's car is an untidy, rarely washed Clio – what were they expecting to find in there? The ark of the covenant? The missing minutes on the watergate tapes? Or perhaps the another entrance to the land of Narnia? Honestly, if you take one look through the window, you'll probably go “My god, what a sh*thole” and then move on with your business.

I can't believe this opportunist thought “I think I might look further in there, I might find something worth stealing” - its a Clio you mong! Of course we are gonna keep nothing of value in there, its about as secure as an Icelandic bank!

Still, I admire your bravery, particularly since you felt valiant enough to fend your way through our charity shop cast offs that have been sitting in the boot for the last year.

Anyway, this rather unfortunate event has lead me to conclude two things.

Firstly, there are people out there, that are so low, so pathetic and so desperate, that they will break into an old, ropey looking car to steal £1.20 (please, don't spend it all at once if you are reading this).

Secondly, and probably just as unfortunate, Holly's CD's aren't worth thieving... Opportunists, despite having no morals, still retain their taste.