There I was having a good laugh at Newcastle United.

Not only have they got the most deluded set of supporters in football history, been relegated from the Premier League and still pay Joey Barton’s wages, but they then go and top it all off by bringing out a new away kit so hideous it almost defies belief.

Oh how we laughed in the office at the gaudy two-tone yellow stripes; oh how we mocked Steven Taylor’s rictus grin as he modelled the garment.

But, suddenly, the merriment stopped. It was about 2pm on Wednesday – the Bees had unveiled a new kit of their own on the club website.

It’s an eyesore, there’s no getting around it.

The white lines down the middle of the red stripes just do not sit right.

The players, and supporters who purchase the shirt through an act of very blind faith, will look like human deckchairs.

Perhaps the plan is to get the players out on Brighton beach after our game down at the Withdean to try to earn the club a few extra bob?

Shirt manufacturer Puma will probably have some prepared spiel about how the new design “reflects the dynamism and energy of Andy Scott and his team”, but that would be a load of nonsense.

The club brings out a new kit every season for financial reasons – it is perfectly understandable and, if people are happy to shell out for it every 12 months, then that is up to them.

The latest design reflects the manafacturer’s wish to make the shirt obviously different from the last one, but jazzing it up as they have is unnecessary.

I realise that moaning about such trivial matters may seem distasteful to some.

“There are people in this world with real problems!” I hear you cry. “The Iranian election has been stolen, the recession is biting and some people have to live in Gillingham!”

I am in total agreement – there are far more important things to worry about.

Yet, as a bored football supporter anxiously waiting for the new season to start, I reserve the right to fill my days (and this column) with petty complaints.

On a slightly different note, why on earth does Puma make a size XXXXL replica shirt?

Is there really a demand for a garment that could double as a four-man tent, or is it the club’s subtle way of telling us that Neil Shipperley has re-signed for the club?