A smack in the face was not an unusual wake-up call for Emily*. In fact, it was part of a catalogue of violent domestic abuse that left her feeling like she was “dead in a cemetery”.

Heartbreaking diary entries written at the time tell how her husband’s violence left her so lonely she “couldn’t see a way out”.

One read: “The worst thing is when he did something to me and couldn’t remember it, it seems like nothing happened.

“He never remembers and blames me, I am the bad one.

“When he gets drunk, he blames me for stealing his money and doesn’t want to listen to the truth.

"He tells me he’s my boss. He hits me for no reason, while I am sleeping.

“He doesn’t let me open the blinds or curtains. He can’t stand the child crying, it makes him crazy.”

For more than five years, she suffered the terrifying abuse, which saw the father of her child hit her and try to strangle her.

The Asian-born mother tried to seek help three times but was let down through a mixture of confusion and her lack of English.

But finally, with the help of Victim Support and Kingston’s domestic abuse services, Emily managed to successfully leave her husband and reclaim her life.

She spoke to the Surrey Comet to share her experience in a bid to raise awareness of domestic violence as part of the White Ribbon Campaign to mark 16 days of activism against gender violence.

Emily said she experienced violent behaviour from the start of her relationship but thought she could help her boyfriend and, facing cultural pressure, she agreed to marry him and go to England.

But Emily, who was pregnant and unable to speak a word of English, was left to fend for herself and she found her husband’s behaviour soon spiralled out of control.

She said: “He had so many characters. He was good to the baby and was like a monster to me. That’s what confused me.

“He helped me give birth but, seven days later, when I was feeding the baby, he punched me and blood went everywhere.

“He drank every day and would come home and hit me. Each time I talked to him, he would hit me and try to strangle me.

“He wouldn’t let me go to English classes. I couldn’t do anything without him – eat, drink, nothing.”

Eventually, after an attack which put her newborn daughter at risk, Emily snapped and phoned the police.

But her lack of English and understanding of the system meant she passed on the opportunity to press charges against her husband as she feared losing the only source of income for herself and her baby.

She said: “I didn’t know about protection and that people could help. I looked at the baby and felt sorry for her – he controlled the money and he bought everything for the baby.”

Emily then attempted another escape, to a refuge, but the guilt of bringing up a child in that environment was too much and she returned.

A move by social services to take Emily’s daughter into child protection allowed her the opportunity to talk to someone about her situation and the freedom to escape.

With the help of Kingston’s domestic abuse services, Emily now lives in her own flat with her daughter, is learning English, and is looking for a job.

She said: “I feel like someone is watching over me now. I believe in them and that they can support me. I would encourage others to go to them.”

Emily said the most important thing for people in a potentially dangerous situation is to be confident and to have self belief.

She said: “If you feel you can leave on your own, then do it. I know it’s difficult but you should try. Try to socialise with others.

“It just seems, when you live with someone like that, it’s normal so get out and see it’s not normal.”

*Names have been changed to protect the identies of persons involved.

The plight of domestic abuse victims is being highlighted to raise awareness as part of Kingston’s annual White Ribbon Campaign,which runs from November 25 to December 10.

A total of 1,843 domestic violence reports were flagged up in Kingston last year: 769 of these were recorded as crimes and the remaining 1,074 were logged as non-crime domestic incidents.

Crisis intervention worker Jo Keogh manages multi-agency Kingston Domestic Abuse’s One-Stop Shop, which offers support and advice to victims to help them to get free, and stay free, from violence.

She said: “The number of reported incidents has stayed pretty consistent. But the number of physical assaults has come down.”

Mrs Keogh attributed the fall in physical assaults to the intervention work carried out in the past eight years.

Kingston has a Domestic and Sexual Violence Forum, made up of several agencies which work in partnership with each other, to deliver a yearly action plan focusing on prevention, protection and service provision.

Hestia floating support worker Laura Dix said: “We provide support to women and men who are living in the borough of Kingston and our services are all about empowering people to make their own choices.

“We help them with practical and emotional support. The biggest thing for me is that everyone knows about the physical side of things but there are other cases which people might not think are domestic violence but that actually are.”

The Real Man Campaign, which was launched by Women’s Aid to send out the message that ‘real men’ do not abuse and control women, was also marked in Kingston on November 25.

The campaign also highlights that domestic violence can be perpetrated by women against men, within same-sex relationships, and to or from a child or adult a carer may be looking after.

Domestic violence services:

One-Stop Shop. Drop-in service offering confidential advice and support to people living with domestic abuse. Open Mondays, from 9.30am to 12.30pm, at the Baptist Church, in Union Street, Kingston.Call 07917 271 549.

Community Safety Unit, Kingston Police.Call 020 8247 5165.

Hestia Floating Support Service. Advice and support for women experiencing domestic abuse.Call 020 8786 2128.

Victim Support.Call 020 8547 3202.

ASKK (Advancing Services for Kingston Kids) Team. Information and referrals to services for children who may be vulnerable.Call 020 8547 5888.

Safeguarding Team. Service for those who are worried a child is being hurt, abused or at risk.Call 020 8547 6587.

Homeless Assessments Team.Call 020 8547 5460.

Sanctuary Scheme.Call 020 8547 5440

Eight myths about domestic violence

1. Alcohol and drugs make men violent. 2. It only happens in poor families on council estates. 3. More women would leave if the abuse was that bad. 4. Abusers grow up in violent homes. 5. Some women like violence. 6. Abusive men have a mental illness. 7. He only hit her because he was under stress. 8. Domestic violence is a private matter, you shouldn’t get involved.

Ten tips to helping a friend who is experiencing domestic violence.

1. The top priority is to make sure they are safe. 2. Be understanding. Explain that others are in this situation. Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk about the abuse. Allow them time to talk, and don’t push them to give too much detail if they don’t want to. 3. Do not criticise the abuser as it will put the person off telling you anymore. 4. Be supportive. Be a good listener, and encourage them to express their hurt and anger. 5. Let them make their own decisions. If they aren’t ready to leave the relationship, this is their decision. 6. Ask if they have suffered physical harm. Offer to go with them to hospital if they need to go. If they want to report the assault to the police, help them to do this. 7. Give them information on the help which is available. Look at the options together. Go with them to visit a solicitor if they are ready to take this step. 8. Help them work out safe plans for leaving the relationship. Let them decide what is safe and what is not. 9. Offer to let them use your address and phone number for receiving information and messages. 10. Above all, do not put yourself in a dangerous position. Do not offer to talk to the abuser about your friend, or let the abuser see you as a threat to their relationship.

Ten steps to leaving safely

1. Make sure you have access to a phone. 2. Have a small bag packed in case you need to leave in an emergency with an extra set of keys, money, important documents and clothes. 3. Keep important numbers such as your domestic violence worker, solicitor and health visitor saved on your mobile and on a list in your bag. 4. Teach your children how to keep safe and dial 999. If you leave, always try to take them with you. 5. Report all injuries to your GP. 6. If possible tell a neighbour about the abuse and ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance. 7. If you have an injunction keep a copy with you at all times and send one to the police. 8. If you think a violent incident is about to occur try to move to a low risk space with no access to weapons, a soft floor covering and escape route. 9. If possible leave when your abuser is not around or when it is safe to do so and think about your exit routes. 10. If you leave, inform your GP, Health visitor, Social Worker or Police of your safety and why you had to go.