Rumours that the powers to be at Champion Hill are considering installing garish flashing lights ("Goals, Goals, Goals", "Live Soccer Show Here", "One-on-One Action Every Five Minutes") on Edgar Kail Way have yet to come to fruition, so Disgusted of Everthorpe Road' can put down this quill before dashing off another diatribe to the local broadsheets.
However, the forecast at the Hill continues to be for heavy downpours of goals as plucky Whyteleafe became the latest victims to be steamrolled beneath the Hamlet behemoth, who tossed lightly aside the bitter disappointment of FA Trophy defeat to Tooting in that game and cement their place amongst the promotion pack as for once their perennial bogey boys were picked off with ease.
With Jamie Coyle still some way from full fitness and Gavin Dayes starting a three match suspension, Lewis Tozer, himself forced off on Tuesday after a blow to the head, found himself with a new partner in the heart of defence as Justyn Roberts, erstwhile youth team graduate, returned to his Hamlet hunting grounds after being deemed surplus to requirements at Nottingham Forest.
In addition Luke Cornwall returned to the attack, in place of young Daniel Jones who must have been exhausted following his midweek exertions.
Even before kick-off Leafe's afternoon did not appear promising, as former Hamlet full back Peter Wood broke down in the warm-up, robbing the visitors of an experienced head at the back though the looming figure of Danny Arkwright still dominated the centre of defence.
Too often in the past Hamlet attacks had floundered on this imposing leviathan, but this time the Dulwich attack simply decided on the path of least resistance, the scenic route past the Ambling Alp rather than the rough slog to its snowy peak. So arrived the first goal after just five minutes as the fire and ice combined.
The fire, Chris Dickson, harried the Leafe defence; the ice, Cornwall, provided the coolest of finishing touches, celebrating so nonchalantly that one might have though a goal at Champion Hill came along as regularly as the buses down Dog Kennel Hill.
Oh, if only the buses were that frequent.
With Hamlet totally in command, it took some agile keeping from the overworked Danny Coote to block a close range effort from Dickson after he had brushed aside a double defensive challenge, Coote recovering to claim the ball ahead of Dickson as it looped down behind the keeper.
Not long after and a stunning volley from out on the sidelines saw Leon McDowall find the back of the net, but no plaudits for the once promising striker, enjoying a rehabilitation at Church Road following much-publicised off the field troubles, for the whistle had long gone for offside.
A yellow card added to his woes.
As green turned to gold on the ivy clad walls of the Hill, green turned to even greener on the field as Nicolas Plumain alchemic touch turned an everyday charge down the wing into goal number two.
With eyes only for goal, the interchangeable wing back cut in from the flanks, sliced through the rearguard and finished with a deadly accurate low drive that beat Coote comprehensively at his near post.
So far, 10 minutes per goal, so another avalanche to bury the Leafe? No such luck. Though dominant, Dulwich seemed introspective, as much concerned with making such of victory, as with the manner of it.
Tozer went close as he looped a Kenny Beaney free kick on to the roof of the net but the goal threat had subsided.
Trailing and browbeaten, Leafe's plays were further thrown into disarray as they lost defender Stuart Hardy, and with no defensive replacements available had to replace him with attacker Steve Douglas.
Hamlet sensed the weaknesses and upped the tempo as the break drew closer, though they had to contend with Cornwall limping from the field of combat in the 44th minutes, to be replaced by Sol Pinnock.
In the few minutes of play that remained Dulwich again had the ball in the net as Dickson got ahead of the last defender to meet a right wing cross.
Coote, venturing far from his line, found himself stranded in No Man's Land as Dickson teased the ball over him with an outrageous lob which bounced on the line and up into the net as Tony Martin tried to keep it out.
Much to the opprobrium of the Hamlet striker, Dickson's goal was instantly chalked off by referee Mr Lugg, convinced that Dickson had interfered with Martin as he leapt for the balls, his hands allegedly on the defender's back.
The fiery Dickson would have his revenge, though it would to wait until the hour mark ticked by, for fortune would again favour the defence as the most sublime of chip shots from distance beat Coote with ease but slammed against the face of the crossbar.
This proved but a precursor for the hamlet to stretch their lead even further within 60 seconds. Sweeping majestically out of defence, the Hamlet gently caressed the ball from player to player and up the field.
Phil Williams, speed stripes illuminating his tonsure, threw the shackles of the defence, ripped past a couple of tackles and centred for Dickson.
Rather than take on the shot himself, the goal machine picked out his neophyte strike partner and serenely Pinnock slipped a pass beyond the grasp of Coote to nestle gently in the far corner of the net.
Barely razing the bar with a chipped effort soon after, Dickson must have been steeling himself for a rare barren afternoon, but then on 61 minutes at last the goal came.
The ball found itself swept out wide to Pinnock, a centre picking out Dickson on the edge of the penalty area.
The striker burst through the smallest of gaps and struck. Off the legs of Coote, spread-eagled before him, came the ball.
Fastest to react, Dickson redeemed himself stretched out a leg to tuck the ball back inside the near upright.
Victory surely beyond them, Leafe brought out the final jokers in their pack.
One of those sacrificed was former Hamlet striker, Carlton Murray-Price, recently returned to Church Road but unable to make an impression against his former team-mates.
For Hamlet too there came a change as Kenny Beaney was given a chance to rest as his midfield mantle passed to Guyanese international Shawn Beveney, promoted from the reserves.
With a multitude of strikers now in play, it was perhaps no surprise that Leafe created their clearest opportunity in the minutes following the tactical tweakings.
Young Douglas carved out an opening with an incisive charge along the backline, pulling the ball back into the path of McDowall, whose rasping drive brought a breathtaking save out of the underemployed James Pullen, as he flung himself right to batter away the goal bound drive.
However any lingering imaginings that this might spark a mini-revival from the visitors were soon rudely dashed as Hamlet administered a firm smack of reality with a fifth goal, created through the twinkling feet of Pinnock, who bulldozed through the final challenge of the full back, then picked his moment before drilling the ball low across the face of goal for Dickson to crown victory with a fifth.
Number six was but a whisker away when Pinnock switched his attentions to Leafe's right flank and from an impossible angle struck a ferocious drive against the far post, only to watch, frustrated, as the ball cannoned back into play. Hamlet were roistering, playing with their prey, the Buena Vista Social Club playing experimental jazz to the Church Road Social Club's karaoke night.
Young Theo Fairweather-Johnson, small of stature but possessed of foot with the power of a steam hammer came on for Eniola Oluwa and left the hoardings quivering as he met a lofted cross over and behind the defence with a drive of raw energy.
At the final whistle, the fantastical farce of Tuesday seemed little more than a footnote in history.
Methinks even a smile cracked upon the stony visage of manager Wayne Burnett, perhaps more in response to that rare beast of late, a clean sheet.
DHFC: James Pullen; Jason Turley (Capt); Nicolas Plumain; Cedric Meeko; Justyn Roberts; Lewis Tozer; Eniola Oluwa (Theo Fairweather-Johnson 79); Kenny Beaney (Shawn Beveney 72); Luke Cornwall (Sol Pinnock 44); Chris Dickson; Phil Williams. Substitutes not used: Daniel Jones, Chris Lewington (GK).
WFC: Danny Coote; Stuart Hardy (Steve Douglas 34); Tony Martin; Oliver Barrett (James Crofts 62); Danny Arkwright; Joe Clark; Ellis Conroy; Carlton Murray-Price; Ryan Rummery (Daniel Hornsby 65); Leon McDowall; Scott Simpson Substitutes not used: Richard Williams Attendance: 317 Officials: Referee: Mr Nigel Lugg (Chipstead, Surrey) Assistant Referees: Mr John Ryan (Worcester Park, Surrey) and Mr Mark Ford (Cheam, Surrey) Goalscoring: 1-0 DHFC Luke Cornwall 5th minute 2-0 DHFC Nicolas Plumain 21st minute 3-0 DHFC Sol Pinnock 51st minute 4-0 DHFC Chris Dickson 61st minute 5-0 DHFC Chris Dickson 75th minute
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