This was the scene this morning…
The sun rises on a crisp late-August day.
Shaun Harvey, little Shaun Harvey, chief executive of the EFL, stirs from his slumber. He yawns and sits up, bleary-eyed and drowsy.
Then his eyes snap open.
Little Shaun Harvey bursts out of bed, scattering his Spiderman duvets and pillows across the bedroom floor. He runs to the nearest window and flings the shutters open.
He spots a small boy, going about his paper-round.
“You there, boy…what day is this?”, little Shaun Harvey bellows.
The small paper boy turns and looks, his cherub-like face doused in wonder, and sets his eyes towards the window.
“Why, sir, ‘tis Checkatrade Trophy morn!” he says.
Little Shaun Harvey can barely control his excitement. “It is Checkatrade Trophy morn,” he repeats to himself, before flying back into his room to get ready for his big day.
In his excitement, Shaun Harvey, little three administrations Shaun Harvey, forgets about all the negatives in his life; the vitriol from fans of clubs throughout the EFL; the “thanks, but no thanks” from the biggest football teams in England in response to his EFL Trophy baby; the worrying dreams he’s been having about dancing for Richard Scudamore, wearing nothing but a scimpy leather thong and two traffic cones across his chest.
Yes, little Shaun Harvey forgets all this because it’s his big day. This is the day that will revolutionise football, the day that will make everyone sit up and notice.
This was the scene this morning…
The sun rises on a crisp late-August day.
Football fans across the country stir from their slumber. They lean across towards the nightstand and check their phone.
A notification flashes across the screen. It reads “AFC Wimbledon v Swansea City U23, 19.45”. It reads: “Bristol Rovers v Reading U23, 19.45”. It reads “Chesterfield v Wolverhampton Wanderers U23, 19.45”.
“Bloody hell,” says every football fan. “I’d forgotten all about this rubbish…”
It’s almost as if they’re not excited for the Checkatrade Trophy. It’s almost as if they feel the Checkatrade Trophy, little Shaun Harvey’s Checkatrade Trophy, is a waste of time, a monument to all things wrong with modern football, another win for the money-men and another kick in the teeth for the little guy.
Oh yeah, that’s exactly what it is.
I am not excited about tonight’s game against some Welsh youths. No AFC Wimbledon fan is excited about tonight’s game against some Welsh youths. Yet here we are.
I thought my anger for this utterly ridiculous revamp had subsided, but no, it has returned, with thoughts of the extra effort and expense the club will go to in order to host Swansea and their “Definitely Going To Help England Win The World Cup™” youngsters.
If you go tonight, fair play to you, I doubt anyone will hold it against you. However, just know that if you do attend, you are aiding Shaun Harvey.
You are an extra number in the attendance spreadsheet little Shaun Harvey will be frantically updating week on week before sending, marked with “High Importance” of course because that’s the kind of guy little Shaun Harvey is, to his “mates” at the EFL.
You are an extra bit of justification for this stupid, awful, omni-shambles of a competition.
Let’s not give little Shaun Harvey the satisfaction.
Although if you do want to see Sean Kelly kicking some poor Welsh kid to buggery then fine, go ahead, whatever, it’s your life. Just make sure you get it on video. #JeSuisSean Anyway, who’s excited for Chesterfield on Saturday?
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